It’s like these thoughts just barge in ceaselessly, haunting me day and night… I’m not even sure when I began to develop these kind of thought patterns, as if insecurity kicked in again…
Sometimes I just want to be left alone to put the pieces together without the hand of others, I just want to give up but somehow that isn’t an option for me…
It hurts even more so than the start, and each time the pain creeps in I pretend it doesn’t hurt, and the more I push it away the more the wound becomes infected. When will this infection become unstoppable?
Is it okay to say I’m scared? I don’t want to cry, I don’t want to feel… cause it seems it’s too high of an expectation for others to take on my feelings…
I’m smiling, I’m laughing, but these are just a temporary relief for the things i had inflicted upon my heart.
A Smile, like a bandaid, sealing the wound so people don’t see how deep the tear was…
Laughter, like a pain killer, forgetting the pain’s existance momentarily…
I miss those days, when I could love passionately, when I was adored and missed, those days when all that mattered was me and the other person…
When I was held like a medal, hung around the neck of a passionate winner, never once taken off because of the pride it bought him… Boasting loud and proud because nothing else mattered.
Have I settled for less? Do I belong to a more deserving candidate?
Is there a person out there waiting to passionately love me?
When did I become so tired… All I feel is stupid these days…
